Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
