So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In America we eat man semen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
