It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
