I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
