just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
