they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
