pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
