What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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