My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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