Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
