I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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