wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
