you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
