Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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