she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
