Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
