16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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