Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
