come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How external is "for external use only"?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
