I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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