why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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