You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
