I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
