Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
