...so i touched it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
