I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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