I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
