You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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