I cannot find my penis.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
