i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
