Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got inside last night via doggy door
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
