I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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