I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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