Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
