I faked an abortion last night.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
