I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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