I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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