I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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