Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
