Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
