respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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