I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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