the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
