Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
