No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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