How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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