I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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