New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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