I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
