I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
