every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
