Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
