Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
