And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
