burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
