He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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